


What Holtz Found

by orphan_account



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: Baby, Cutesy, Fluff, Fun
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-04
Updated: 2017-05-16
Packaged: 2018-10-14 19:27:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10543023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Holtz is out searching for scrap and finds more than she expected. Eventual HoltzbertCURRENTLY ON HIATUS





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> After a prompt on twitter I started writing 140 character 'what if' situations about Holtz finding a baby. I finally decided to write it properly (although I may be non-chronological, I haven't decided yet!)  
> Thanks for reading!

The weekend dumpster trawl was a ritual for Holtzmann, but also for the rest of the gang. They all knew that she went out after midday on a Sunday, and would come back in the evening with an armful of grubby goodies – stinking, but smiling. Given that what she found was often useful (at least in a ‘Holtzmann-can make-something-with-that’ kind of way) no one complained. Apart from that one time when scrap metal had landed on Patty’s toe. And that other time when Holtzmann chose to squash Erin in a hug _before_ she’d showered. And that time when…..

Army surplus pack over her shoulders, Holtzmann hummed as she thought over the day’s haul. It hadn’t been so bad. It was _ridiculous_ what some people threw out. So many things were discarded because of being broken. Broken didn’t mean it didn’t come without purpose, though. All you had to do was look a little bit outside the box. Maybe pretty far out of the box. Why did it even have to be a box? Why be IN a box when you could make a fort of boxes?

Next weekend she was definitely looking out for some cardboard.

There was just one more back alley she would check out before heading back to the firehouse. Tucked behind a computer-fixer-upper shop she could often find some scrap circuit boards, plastic casing, the odd CD fragment that she’d pull faces in the reflection of. (Sometimes she could stand for a while just enjoying the rainbows the refracted sunlight would make on the walls. The world needed more rainbows.) Today she could do with a very particular kind of circuitry, but she wouldn’t turn her nose up at anything. One man’s trash and all that.

The alley was quiet, most of the stores closed for the weekend ready to boot up again on Monday morning. That made things easier. It wasn’t like she minded being caught out in a dumpster, hell! It was one heck of a conversation starter. Nah, it was the scowls she didn’t appreciate. Surely it should be her, knee deep in scrap and garbage, giving the _dirty_ looks?

Grinning at her own inside joke playing out inside her own head, the blonde almost staggered over as a strange noise jolted her back to the situation at hand. Abagaba.

That _definitely_ wasn’t a pigeon. Did pigeons gurgle now? Did rats? DID _GHOSTS_? “And here’s me without a proton pack. G’damn, whats a girl gunna do?” True to Holtzmann fashion the next word from her mouth came out with twenty percent hesitation, eighty percent curiosity “Helloooooooo?”

 **Ebebebebe**.

Dropping her pack to the ground with a muffled clunk, she took a tentative step towards the dumpster, “Uh huh, yep. Totally agree with you. Tell you what, gimmie a sign that tells me friend or foe. Depends on whether I’ll hit you with a toaster or not. A ghoaster. Ha! Deal?”

 **Amamama**.

“If this were Scooby-Doo you’d have already come for me, and I will not doubt the logic of a talking hound dog and his stoner friend. I’m comin’ in!”

Sucking in a breath large enough to puff out her cheeks, the lid was pushed up and flipped back, revealing a swift kick in the face of humidity, an assault to the nostrils of staff lunch leftovers and what seemed to be, looking back at her with shining eyes, a very human baby.

“Soooooooo that’s new.”

Chubby, grubby hands waved in her general direction, bright eyes sparkling towards her with so much trust it shook Holtz harder than the footsteps of gigantic possessed ghost logo “blffffttt agoo?”

  

“No no, me _Holtz_. Though I guess that’s a good start,” reaching tentatively into the dumpster, she held the small being with the apprehension of holding a bomb. Or how anyone _else_ would hold a bomb. This was Jillian Holtzmann, who would dance with nuclear devices as if they were a tambourine (Erin had sworn a little bit of pee had come out of her on that day) “Do you have a name? Social security number? Hiding any marshmallows on your person, youngling?”

In the crook of her arm, the infant giggled as her new friend poked at their podgy tum, seemingly fascinated by the sunshine like discs that covered Holtzmann’s eyes “ababababa.”

“Huh, definitely feels like marshmallows,” a sniff “woooooOOOOOH. And smells like a sewer bust,” a frown from both parties “Guess we’re both stinky, ey Stay Puft? What’cha say we go get spruced up?”

With no argument from the child in her arms, Holtz smiled and took the silence as agreement “But hey, if Erin hugs you even though you’re stinky, we’re having words, got me?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Thanks for your kudos and comments on the last chapter!  
> Sorry this one took a while to get posted - I'm without a laptop right now and I'm doing this while I'm back home at my 'rents!

It didn’t take Holtz long to get back to firehouse, bumping open the front door with her hip before waltzing into the living area without a care in the world, “guys! I got this toaster and I’m thinking that the interior mechanism can really make my next design _pop_!" puckering her lips on the ‘p’ as if taking a lolly from her mouth, she wiggled her eyebrows at the rest of the seated Ghostbusters “If you know what I mean.”

Several glances went between the three women who, up until that moment, had been enjoying an uneventful Sunday afternoon. Just thirty seconds ago they had been discussing maybe grabbing some pizza for dinner, with the most probable cause of chaos being Abby and Patty squabbling over whether pineapple was an acceptable topping. Now they were looking at a _whole_ other scenario. 

Pointed stares from both Abby and Patty in Erin’s direction meant that the former Columbia professor was the first to question the sight in front of her. Shuffling in her seat before standing, she watched in amazement as Holtzmann held the infant under one arm like a football, shrugging off her backpack with an air of nonchalance that could only ever work for Jillian Holtzmann, “uhm, Holtz?”

Free of the weight of her scrap hunt, Holtz bent and wriggled around, baby back in her arms and gurgling with amusement at the motions, “otherwise I didn’t find much. Few bits of metal, handful of wiring….”

Three sets of eyes widened in response to actions that seemed so _normal_. Except for the fact that it was Holtzmann. Reckless engineer, singer of eyebrows, dances with blowtorches _Holtzmann_ , cradling a baby who had come out of nowhere, as if it were the most natural thing in the world. Clearing her throat, Erin tried again “Holtzmann….”

“...I can’t decide if I should just wait for some more chrome to do the upgrade orrrr just work with some aluminium for now….”

Laying herself flatter on the sofa, Abby gave a swift boot to Erin’s backside, prompting her colleague to get the hint and to try harder “JILLIAN!”

Having quit wiggling and instead bouncing the newcomer on her hips, speaking to the child as much as her teammates, Erin’s outburst caused both caregiver and baby to hush “mmmm?”

Erins chest deflated in a sigh, “baby.”

The blonde’s eyes widened and sparkled instantly, “yuhhuh, sweetums?”

“What? No!” flabberghasted and turning a shade of pink that did not go unnoticed by the rest of the team Erin coughed before trying to explain herself, “I mean _why_ are you carrying a baby?”

“Ohhh. This lil cherub?” spinning the infant in her arms so that the dribble covered chin faced everyone else, both smiled “Found’em in a dumpster. Seemed pretty _coooool_. Thought I’d bring’em back to meet the fam-a-lam.”

Holtz’s nonchalant attitude to the situation had Abby out of her seat “In a _dumpster_?! Holtz, did you call the police?”

The engineer rolled her eyes dramatically, “I hardly think wearing stripes makes the kid a criminal, Abby…..”

“Holtzmann! Be serious!”

For the first time since entering the building, Holtzmann was finally frowning, loosely placing her free hand over one of the kid’s ears “Hey, shhhhhhh! You’ll upset Stay Puft!”

The blush was back, Erin sitting with her hands clasped in her lap. Being reprimanded by Holtzmann was an entirely new experience “sorry.”

Holtzmann’s face softened, as it always did when Erin did something so cute, “to answer the previously asked question - nope. Haven’t rang the po-po. Lack of hands what with the small squirmy thing,” swaying to imaginary music, the small butt wiggled again as if to back up Holtz’s reasoning “figured we could clean up, grab some grub and _then_ call the 911. Yah dig?”

Having let the situation playout, finally it was Patty’s turn to chime in, unable to believe the entire situation (and she worked with _ghosts_ on a daily basis) “never say that again.”

Abby sighed in defeat. Holtzmann had a point, and she knew that no matter how bizarre this situation was, her friend’s heart was in the right place, “I suppose that is the sensible thing to do. Who knows how long the kid was in that dumpster.”

Chewing on her bottom lip, Erin’s eyes finally met that of the small being, “but what if their parents are missing them? They could go back to the dumpster and their child is gone!”

A scoff came from Abby, arms folded across her chest “you think they used the alley like some hot and stinky creche?”

“No, but I just mean…” Erin started “…You never know if….”

Before Abby got a chance to rib her old friend once more, Patty reached across to the coffee table, grabbing her laptop. How come she was always the damn adult in these situations? ““I’ll check the news. See if any tiny people are missin’.”

A breath of relief came as Erin relaxed, her shoulder visibly dropping “thanks, Patty.”

The taller woman nodded as she booted up the technology, “hey Holtzy, while I do this why don’t you go and do that cleanin’ up thing you mentioned. You and chubby cheeks over there smell like you waded in sewage, and _trust_ that I know what that smells like. I catered to some of the nastiest smellin’ New Yorkers.”

Adequately holding the baby in one arm again (Erin couldn’t understand how she could do that so comfortably!) Holtz saluted her co-worker “aye aye, captain Patty! One showered squish comin’ right up!”

Abby stepped towards the door alongside her bemusing team mate “Guess I’ll run to the store and grab some supplies. You reckon that they’re weaned to mush yet?”

Both Patty and Erin nodded from their respective places on the sofa “I would think so.”

“They’ve been near my ta-tas and haven’t tried to chew through my t-shirt for yummies soooo….”

“ _Thanks for that_ , Holtzmann. Alright, I’ll get some baby food. And some formula just in case.”

“And some nappies. We’re definitely gunna need those”, Erin chimed in.

“And some Pringles. Oooh, maybe some pudding. Chocolate, we can share it” the blonde paused as three sets of eyes met her in disbelief “What? It’s _haaaaard_ being a working parent.”

“Okaaaaay. I’m going to be going now before this scenario gets any weirder. Erin, you’re on Holtz-watch.”

“Why me? Patty’s here too!”

“Nuh uh, honeybunch. I’m on find a baby-mumma duty. Usually I’m on find a baby-daddy duty… Huh...”

“Okay fine.”

“Thatta girl. Won’t be long! Holtz, remember that baby sitting doesn’t actually mean sitting on the baby!”

“Wouldn’t dreaaaaam of it, would I Stay Puft? C’mon, let’s go and give you a sprinkle. Aunty Erin, wanna come help?”

“Aren’t you cleaning yourself too?”

“Yup! Saving water. Gotta save the fishies, don’t we?” Holtzmann prodded her new friend’s belly, rewarded with a large smile and a squeak of giggles that did nothing to hide the stammers of Erin.

“T-Then you’d be…. Naked….”

“Well yeah, wearing my cossie would defeat the object of cleaning the sweat from between my--”

Erin was immediately standing, as if possessed and much to the amusement of Patty, who stifled a laugh as she typed “YOU KNOW WHAT? I think I’ll just tidy around here and baby proof a bit. Ready for uhm… Stay Puft?”

“Stay Puft, Squidge, Stinky” a frown furrowed onto the brow of the small one, clearly taking a dislike to the name “Okay not stinky?” Holtz sniffed “but definitely smelly!”

Erin watched as Holtz disappeared around the corner, yelling one final “be out in a jiffy!” before her footsteps could be heard on the stairs. This sure was going to be an interesting afternoon.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really sorry it's taken so long to get this posted - my laptop broke, and I've had essays to write and bleuuurgh.  
> Thank you for all your comments and kudos on the last chapter! It means a lot, and I'm glad you're all enjoying this!
> 
> Given that we don't know much about Holtz' childhood I've just gone with what fits her reaction to the kid.

“Alright, are we sure Holtzy hasn’t been possessed? This crap is just so… So…”

Both standing and watching Holtzmann from the doorway, Erin’s expression was just as dumbfounded as Patty’s ,“normal?”

“Yeah, but for the average person. When has anything about her ever screamed ‘normal’ to you? It’s if that kid came out of her own belly.”

Erin shrugged, unable to take her eyes off of the scene just meters away “I guess she’s just a natural.”

“Yeah, a natural at weirdin’ me out.”

“I don’t know… It’s kind of cute? Don’t you think it’s cute?”

Patty’s face settled into a knowing look, one that graced her face more and more often when Erin or Holtzmann spoke about the other “damn cute, but it’s gunna end it heartbreak. I can’t find anything in the news about a missin’ kid, and we can’t just pretend like it’s a puppy we can keep.”

“Holtz will be fine, she said she’d ring the police once the Stay Puft...” Erin caught her slip “...the _baby_ was clean and fed. We just have to wait for Abby to come back.”

Patty’s eyebrow arched, “uh huh, you tell yourself that. Does that look like a woman ready to just had over a baby without a hint of regret?” head shaking, the taller woman exhaled in sadness “look all I’m sayin’ is, would you be able to look into those eyes and easily say goodbye? Hell, my heart hurts just think’ about it.”

With no honest answer, Erin’s eyes fell to the floor in defeat. Patty had a point - Holtzmann was growing attached and _fast_. The idea of a crying baby being taken away was one thing, but a wobbly-lipped Holtzmann on top of that? Erin’s heart dropped.

“I’m just going to….” she nodded her head over at the two figured across the room, taking a few uneasy, swaying strides away from Patty to Holtzmann and their tiny guest. Holtz hadn’t stopped interacting with the child since she had come back from the shower. Both were freshly washed and dressed, with Holtzmann in dungarees, and her companion in an adult band t-shirt that the blonde had fashioned into a baby grow by knotting it loosely. Erin couldn’t help but smile when she’d first seen the outfit - that woman really could make anything from, well… Anything.

For the first time since entering the room Holtzmann acknowledged the other Ghostbuster, face lit up like a reactor core, “hey, Aunty Erin! Look at our main man right here. Scrubs up alright, huh?”

“Main man?”  


“Oh yeah. Found a wiggly worm under the baby grow. It might help Patty in her search,” Holtz shrugged, suddenly a little tighter in posture “checked him over for any birthmarks too but nadda. Mystery bub.”

“Well, that’s useful. A little more information to tell the uhm….” Erin hesitated, Holtz’s change in demour not unnoticed “...Police, I suppose?”

“Uh huh,” Holtz was bouncing her new friend again, her face contorting in ways to make him laugh, though her posture remained stiff.

“And you’re okay with that?”

“Okay with what?”

“Still calling the police. About our…” Erin stepped forward and gestured towards the little boy, who in turn reached out for her finger. Great, this was all she needed. _Two_ adorable faces making her feel all warm and fuzzy when she needed to be serious. Stoic. Now her heart was betraying her and melting as the boy squeezed one digit in his little palm, and Holtzmann smiled just a little in response. Oh boy, “ _situation_.”

“Mmmhmmm.”

“Holtz?”

“Yuuuuuuup. Gunna totally do it in a while, Gilbert. Later. After dinner. Maybe a nap.”

“Holtzmann, you know…” Erin placed a hand on the blonde’s upper arm, now all three of them touching in some way, “you know we can’t keep him here don’t you?”

Eyes flicking to the gentle contact before looking to Erin’s face, Holtzmann took a deep breath. Erin knew that breath, she’d witnessed it before - whenever Holtzmann was ready to unleash feelings. She internally braced herself for the blur of words to follow.

“...I’m just worried, Erin. What if we call the police and they take him away and don’t find his parents and then he goes into the foster system and gets some horrible step-parents who don’t really love him or know which part of him to squidge to make him laugh?”

Yup, there it was. Holtzmann, never really saying anything and then saying _everything_. And here was Erin, Queen of Awkward, wanting to make everything better but never sure of _how_. She chose to play it safe - distraction. At least until Abby was back, “what part of him do you squidge to make him laugh?”

Erin could swear she heard Holtzmann sniffle before she demonstrated, a giggle from the boy instantly making the air feel lighter, “the chub just under his rib cage.”

“Ah. And… Is there a part of you that…. Squidges to make you laugh?”

Erin instantly knew she’d made a mistake.

As both women’s eyebrows shot up in surprise, Holtzmann’s then wiggled in amusement, “is that what they call it these days, Dr Gilbert?”

“I-- What, no, I mean--” cheeks started to resemble beetroot, Erin dropped her hand from her friend’s arm, in fear of and involuntary _squidging_.

“You know I’d tell you, but there’s innocent ears around,” the shorter of the two women hushed her voice to a whisper, leaning her body towards Erin, “I can’t risk the purity of an infant!”

In a frequent response to Holtzmann’s wisecracks, Erin rolled her eyes before laughing softly, “I’m glad making me blush has you smiling again.”

“Hey, mom and pop,” Abby’s voice made Erin jolt, unexpectedly lost in a moment, “when you’re done being a family unit, I’ve got those supplies you wanted,” dumping grocery bags down onto the couch, Abby placed her hands on her waist “Also _what_ is that baby wearing? They do an infant Coachella now?”

Diving into the bags on handed, Holtzmann whipped out a pack of diapers “Wooo! Pooping pants. C’mon kiddo, let’s get that peepee covered.”

Watching as her teammate disappeared from the room all too eagerly, Abby’s eyebrows knotted, “riiiiight…. Hey Erin, she been alright?”

“More than alright, she’s been _parental_. Which is….”

“Weird?”

“Well, yeah. Hey uhm, I have a question….” Erin’s shoulders dropped, her feet shuffling a little, “did Holtzmann… I mean I know she said she was homeschooled, and I know she has brothers or sisters but were they…..”

Patty sat herself down beside the groceries, “are you in some round about way trying to ask me if Holtzmann was in foster care?”

Another foot shuffle, before Erin planted herself in an armchair, “yes.”

“And you’re thinking that if she was, that’s probably why she doesn’t want to give up the baby?”

“How did you…”

“I came back with baby goods and snacks. Snacks, Erin,” reaching into one of the bags, Abby picked out and shook a Pringles tube as if to prove her point, “and which did she go to first?” Erin’s eyes followed the the path Holtzmann had taken to whiz from the room with the boy, “exactly. Holtz holds family above all else, but that wasn’t something that came easily to her. She’s bound to be spooked about the idea of sending the kid to a place that makes her nervous to think about.”

“She’s spoken to you about it?”

Abby deflated into the sofa “bits and pieces. You know Holtz, getting a straight answer out of her is about as easy as getting a decent wanton soup from Benny.”

Erin wanted her chair to swallow her whole, “Patty, you were right. This is going to suck.”

Looking up from her laptop, the previously quiet team member shook her head before answering, “I may have thought of a way to make it less sucky,” snapping the lid down and putting the computer to the side she met awaiting eyes, “Jennifer.”

“Jennifer? Lynch? Mayor Bradley’s assistant?”

Patty nodded, “one and the same, girl.”

Suddenly excited by the idea of not having a sad Holtzmann on her hand’s, Erin sat upright, “do you think she’d be able to help?”

Shrugging, Patty leant forward, “I don’t see why givin’ her a call would do any harm. We could just ask if she could make it so the kid stays with us while the police investigate a bit.”

“But what about if we get called in on a bust? We’re hardly equipped to care for a baby.” 

Erin countered Abby, as if they were in the High School debate team, “we could take turns.”

“And where would it sleep?”

“ _He_ could sleep here pretty safely. As long as Holtz doesn’t take him to her section….”

“Okay but what about feeds? Accidents? What if---”

Exhaling harshly, Erin surprised herself by standing her ground, “look Abby, I know it’s not the most practical thing in the world but unless you want to deal with Holtz moping for at least a month I think we should give Patty’s idea a go.”

“Alright, I’m just trying to make sure we’re doing the right thing.”

Watching her best friend’s turn sheepish, Erin reached out for her hand, “I know, I’m sorry. You just didn’t hear her earlier. I thought she was going to cry.”

“Woah, this really is deep for her.”

“Yeah, like that cheers-after-saving-the-world kind of deep.”

“Shit.”

Watching as Patty put her hand to her forehead with worry, Abby set her hands on her thighs before standing, “well, that settles it. I’ll ring Jennifer, see what she can do. I mean, if we can deal with Kevin we can manage this.”

Patty laughed, “ha, probably more luck with this kid,” which then had the other two women following suit until a voice turned laughter into yelps.

“HEY! What’s funny, amigos?”

Erin took a deep breath, hand to her chest, “Holtzmann! You scared me.”

A wink, followed by a nudge to the ribs, “kinda jumpy for a ghostbuster, ain’t ya Gilbert?”

“Ha-ha,” Erin looked from the blonde to the baby, and back to the blonde, “you okay?”

Her question was answered with a smile from both parties, “yup, all diapered and ready to eat! Stay Puft, I mean. My underpants are less poofy.”

“I can imagine. I mean… Shall we see what baby food Abby brought back?”


End file.
